This past week has been a total shit-show. We went from going on a cruise reluctantly with the outbreak of Covid19, to plan B getting called back from our road trip to the beach, to plan C - government ordered house arrest - quarantine for a virus that apparently only causes mild cold symptoms in a majority of the people. You were set to go to the grandparents house, but that got all messed up too thanks to the weather, illness, and the apocalyptic like conditions in our world.
It has been a disappointment to most of society. A shock. A reality check. A call to look at ourselves, put down our "fear boxes" - phones, tv, radio, computers and look at each other and say, "Well, what do we do now?"
What do we do now? Schools cancelling, small businesses closing, tele-commute, tele-health, crashing stock market. We are in a spiral, out of control, you-won't-believe-it kind of terror right now.
My thoughts at the beginning of this process... when I realized Spring Break.... wasn't going to spring in any way, shape, or form.
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My whole life I have had the urge, the necessity, to be in control. When I make a plan, I stick to it, I get my hopes up, I will not falter. I have an unrequited determination that is aggravating to no end. But we all know sometimes, we can’t be in control, sometimes the winds of fate take the reins, and we are forced to stand back, to let go, and to watch what we have tried so hard to maintain, whisk from our reach like a tumbleweed on a Tuesday in Kansas. What a frustrating, teeth grinding annoyance that is.
After a good cry or scream, maybe some hurtful words, depending on the time of month, I have my emotional bitch fest and then return to myself. Like a beautiful soul returning from an out of body experience.
It has been a disappointment to most of society. A shock. A reality check. A call to look at ourselves, put down our "fear boxes" - phones, tv, radio, computers and look at each other and say, "Well, what do we do now?"
What do we do now? Schools cancelling, small businesses closing, tele-commute, tele-health, crashing stock market. We are in a spiral, out of control, you-won't-believe-it kind of terror right now.
My thoughts at the beginning of this process... when I realized Spring Break.... wasn't going to spring in any way, shape, or form.
------------------------
My whole life I have had the urge, the necessity, to be in control. When I make a plan, I stick to it, I get my hopes up, I will not falter. I have an unrequited determination that is aggravating to no end. But we all know sometimes, we can’t be in control, sometimes the winds of fate take the reins, and we are forced to stand back, to let go, and to watch what we have tried so hard to maintain, whisk from our reach like a tumbleweed on a Tuesday in Kansas. What a frustrating, teeth grinding annoyance that is.
After a good cry or scream, maybe some hurtful words, depending on the time of month, I have my emotional bitch fest and then return to myself. Like a beautiful soul returning from an out of body experience.
And then, it happens. I remember.
I remember the real me, the soulful me deep beneath the ego. I connect with my innate powers to heal myself. I connect to the Truth. And I too return.
I take a breath and notice what is present. What has appeared through this process. I gather myself in this breath. Breathing in life. Breathing out, the pause, the acknowledgment that the out breath, is death. That this exhale is the death of what is, what was, and what will be. That if and when the next breath comes, I am renewed into new life. A new moment.
I remember the real me, the soulful me deep beneath the ego. I connect with my innate powers to heal myself. I connect to the Truth. And I too return.
I take a breath and notice what is present. What has appeared through this process. I gather myself in this breath. Breathing in life. Breathing out, the pause, the acknowledgment that the out breath, is death. That this exhale is the death of what is, what was, and what will be. That if and when the next breath comes, I am renewed into new life. A new moment.
It's amazing when we take time to
notice what appears. All it takes is a few moments to gather yourself in your
breath. The power in knowing there is still life in you, and you will get
through this. This breath. This breath is one thing you can control,
even when surrounded by the uncontrollable.
Keep breathing my sweet boy. No matter where I am, no matter how dumb you think I am as you grow up and discover your own way, no matter what you are trying to control, take a breath. Pause. Be present. The answers you seek are within you. I promise.
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